Added: Luisana Amico - Date: 10.09.2021 18:48 - Views: 12517 - Clicks: 4485
Or libertine? April 27, PM Subscribe I'm dealing with depression and don't want to date until my brain is a bit more balanced. In the meantime, should I just completely avoid men, or attempt the FWB thing and hope that neither of us develop feelings for the other? I'm 35 and have been dealing with depression since I was a teenager. The depression is still quite severe and I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist for medication and therapy. For the past years I haven't dated at all; I feel like I need to at least get a little better before pursuing a relationship.
I also have terrible self-esteem and self-confidence which I know I have to address. During this time no men had approached me and I didn't approach them. Being invisible was ok for a few years but it eventually got a little boring; also I was masturbating so much that I thought I'd give myself carpal tunnel syndrome.
I am always clear that I am not looking for a serious relationship, always have safe sex, etc. I have very low expectations for these FWB arrangements, but no matter how well they go I never hear from the guy again after 1 - 2 "dates". I am trying so hard to get better; it's really frustrating me that it's taking so long. Ideally, in my depression-addled mind, I would just be a robot and have no need for human contact. There is just so much work I have to do and I am so messed up about men and relationships. Please let me know if you have any advice, or if you have been in this situation too.
Throwaway is anon gmail. For people who are actively dealing with a mental health issue, FWB is probably going to do more harm than good. Not Libertine seeking a nice guy is wired for that sort of thing, and even the people who are find themselves inexplicably attached or attached-to. Considering how powerful of an emotionally loaded the whole concept of sex is, and how easily you can tie your identity and self-worth into it, you may be complicating things for yourself unnecessarily.
Like, right now, for Libertine seeking a nice guy, the fact that you can't get a FWB to stick is making you feel shitty. You probably feel like there's something wrong with you. I'm not saying there aren't perfectly nice, good people on there. And I am not saying there's anything wrong with engaging in this sort of behavior. You can do whatever you like as long as you make sure to stay safe. I am saying that expecting anything outside of a single night of hopefully serviceable intercourse from that sort of a connection is wishing for the moon.
So if you can't keep the standard of behavior i. I'm dealing with depression and don't want to date until my brain is a bit more balanced. Avoiding men is impossible, your libido is telling you so. I think you should carefully, gently, with eyes-wide-open just try dating decent men. I know, easier said than done. I know. But maybe it's time to seek someone who will love you while you move along the continuum to a "balanced" brain.
Whatever that means. Good luck. My experience is that transitory, low-investment relationships are not great for depression. Or low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. Do you have a lot of social contact with people otherwise? I'd guess not, if you are severely depressed. Perhaps a compromise here between "I'll just be a robot" and "I'll just look for FWB" is to seek out platonic relationships with both men and women or whatever you are comfortable with and practice intimacy and relating and sharing and caring and all the other human interaction stuff in a safer context than a romantic one.
Usually new friendships are easier to pace than new romantic relationships. Making friends can be excruciating when you don't feel good about yourself, but in the long term the genuine reciprocity involved is incredibly nurturing.
Sexual relationships don't always have this reciprocity - I would go with your instincts that you are not ready for that kind of thing right now, and instead focus on building relationships that might fall closer to your comfort zone.
Have higher expectations when it comes to relationships. So the lack of ongoing shagging has Libertine seeking a nice guy to do with you. I would concentrate on making friends with a variety of people, continuing to masturbate, and continuing to seek help for the depression. And I repeat, have higher expectations for your relationships. This is very important. Warning in advance: the tone of this link is kind of flippant, and you sort of have to be in an OK place to read it.
I mention this because when you're in a bad place, then you read things differently. I know because I've been there. But I think the problem is that you're going in expecting a FWB situation from the outset, when those situations more often evolve naturally out of pre-existing relationships. Like so. You should definitely have higher expectations, but you can continue not seeking anything super serious. You don't have to choose between searching for a forever life partner and just sleeping with people who only want to see you twice!
I think the advice given above is sound. Be kind to yourself. I think most men speaking purely in terms of s do not really want FWB. I think for most men who do not want monogamy, the freedom to sleep with other partners is only half of it. The other half is not having any responsibilities or obligations to the other person, not needing to talk to them, to keep up a friendship, to stay in touch with them, to be there for the person in any way, to use any of one's free time in hanging out with them, to spend time doing any non-sexual activities with them, etc.
I'm not saying no guys want that I just think it is, relatively speaking, rare. I think most of the time when a guy gets in an FWB thing it's because he's in love with the girl and wants more but that's all he can get. Otherwise I think they mainly just want 1 night stands or really sporadic things if they can't find anything else. I've thought several times about asking a similar question here-- my version would be, should a person with depression and low self-esteem try to date?
Your question sounds like you've decided that no, you shouldn't date right now, but should you maybe try to meet your sexual needs in the meantime?
But I wonder if you see the casual sex I think true FWB means you're actual friends already, not just strangers on the internet as a backdoor way to get some companionship because you assume nobody would commit to you in your current state? If it were just about scratching your sexual itch, why wouldn't one or two meetings be enough to tide you over for a while? Just post another ad, right? I have assumed that casual sex isn't something I have the confidence to pursue-- and of course I miss sex and think about it-- but I really think I miss the intimate human contact much, much more.
For what it's worth, my therapist is always glad to hear Libertine seeking a nice guy I'm trying to date, and she apparently thinks I should continue trying. So do my friends. When I debate about whether to hide my OkCupid profile for a while, it's because of popular notions that we shouldn't expect other people to fix us or make us happy, we have to like and love ourselves first, blah blah blah, etc. It also doesn't help that I live in a place full of ambitious, well-educated, driven people who I assume have no interest in taking on a fixer-upper.
As a result of these thoughts I don't write to many people, and I try to be upfront about my emotional state with those I do. Sure enough, it filters most people out, but I expect that. It's not a great feeling, but I know that as long as I'm honest, I have the right to ask just as surely as they have the right to say no.
TL;DR, I think I come down as saying, you should actually be open to dating nowespecially if you don't know when you're going to be "enough" better. Like that famous quote from Shit My Dad Says, be honest about who you are right now, and let people decide why they won't date you, don't do it for them. FWB can be emotionally difficult for people who aren't dealing with depression - I would really recommend against it in your case.
I'm pretty much in your spot. I struggle with this because I want to be in a relationship, but I'm torn because I feel like I'm not in the "right" place to be dating. But, then I think about what that even means because the reality is that so many people struggle with mental health I'm one of these people. So many other people also struggle with personal issues and life obstacles.
But, if you can take care of yourself by creating a safe space for yourself, have a sense of emotional stability, and think you can take care of someone else then go for it.
Consider what your coping methods are like and whether or not these are healthy too. If they aren't then I'd recommend not pursuing dating until you have worked on this. But, so far based on what you have stated-you are working on getting better and that's great! What I'd recommend though, is learning how to develop better self confidence and self-esteem.
FWB relationships are hard enough when you're actually friends and it just evolves, and you can't expect any kind of "friend" investment from a stranger, so I think this just may not be for you. I think both Libertine seeking a nice guy your scenarios are bad for you - you don't need to lock yourself away or settle for less just because of your depression. If you want human companionship, make friends. Do that cuddle meetup thing. Date, when you think you are ready.
I'm echoing what others have said. In my own checkered past, FWB relationships amped up my depression dramatically. I didn't see it then, but each time I got tangled up in one, I just gave myself more ammunition to hate myself.
I logically understood the terms, but emotionally I still held out hope that this connection "might turn into something. I think you should definitely date now. Just be honest with guys about what you're dealing with. Many will be fine with it, and many more are dealing with similar problems. You are doing the very hard work of digging yourself out -- be proud of that. Depression compresses the world into this deep inward focus. As you do feel better, reach out more and nurture friendships without the benefits part, and enjoy the company of men you find intriguing.
I guess I wish I'd given myself that advice.Libertine seeking a nice guy
email: [email protected] - phone:(504) 848-1687 x 5273