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A choice to refuse to let your life be defined by your relationship status but to live every day Happily and let your Ever After work itself out. In our society, being single is still heavily stigmatized. Being single is often perceived as something out of the norm. It is more acceptable to be part of a couple even a dysfunctional one! And it is even more acceptable to be divorced than it is to be single. Unfortunately, our society makes us believe that being single is wrong, and your goal should be to find someone to be in a relationship with.
Then and only then are you complete, happy, and more acceptable socially. Many single people feel lots of shame around being single. They feel like there is something wrong with them. They feel like a failure. This societal pressure makes single people invest themselves in the wrong relationships, just to feel accepted. The reality is that being single is about being in a relationship with yourself.
It is the most intimate relationship you will ever experience in your life. We find it easier to be with others than to be Single with nothing to do ourselves. How crazy is that? We want to connect with others. We are social animals. We are meant to be with others. The problem starts when your desire to be in a relationship is fueled by the discomfort of being with yourself.
The desperation for another person to save you from being single will only create more drama in your love life. Ever since I can remember, I struggled with being single. I struggled with my status because I believed this collective conditioning around being single. That I was broken, less of a human being, and not complete, all because I was single.
For the majority of my life, I desperately wanted to change my relationship status and escape all those thoughts and beliefs. I was ashamed of it. I had plenty of friends. I always made sure I had plenty of things to do. I became a compulsive dater. I thought I was running away from being single, but I learned that all I was doing was running away from myself. There is no way out. There is no escape. I had enough of dating. I had enough of running away from myself. I had enough of chasing love, all so I could change my relationship status and feel proud for a moment that I had managed to attract a guy!
This was a brave moment. For the first time in my life, I was brave enough to face myself. I am whole and complete without a man. It is up to me to decide how I choose to live my life as a single, and how happy I am with it. I liberated myself from the collective conditioning, from believing that there was something wrong with me and that I needed to be in a relationship to be happy.
You are not your relationship. Always remember that, whether you are single or married, you are the same magnificent being.
This is constant in your life. For so long, so much of my own worth was attached to my relationship status. This was the very reason I suffered as a single. For some reason, I believed I would be a better and more accomplished person if I had a boyfriend. My worthiness depended on it. But your true worth comes from within. Your true worth is intrinsic.
You were born worthy and good enough. Nothing external can add to your true worthiness, and nothing external can take away from your worthiness. You are worthy just the way you are. End of the story. Accept the truth and end there. The only reason you are single is the absence of the right person in your life, not because there is something wrong with you. Stop blaming yourself. Stop beating yourself up. If you met the right person, you would be in a relationship now, right? So why feel ashamed of something out of your control?
It is just what it is. Live it to the full! Regardless of your relationship status, you must rise above it and value yourself. We as a society have created this massive collective belief that being single is difficult and must be miserable, which is based on our biggest fear—the fear of being lonely.
But relationships can be difficult too. Once you have befriended your solitude, you will see Single with nothing to do truth of the experience. Being single can be as awesome as you make it. You are in charge of how you want to use your time as a single.
Being in a relationship is not better than being single. Being single or married is not better or worse. They both come with different challenges, lessons, and benefits. They challenge us in different ways. If you learn that while you are single, you will be able to apply the same philosophy in your future relationship, especially when it becomes challenging. Staying true to yourself is about self-respect. Staying true to yourself will help you feel more independent, confident, and happy. But it also means that sometimes you will feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
But what is worse would be doing something against yourself and betraying your values. Being single happened to be the most transformational period of my life. It can bring a transformation to your life too if you start living it more intentionally as a single. Being single can be fun. Being single can be explorative. Being single can be expansive and happy. If you want to start changing how you feel about being single, start exploring the stories you tell yourself. Our stories are very powerful. When you repeat a story regularly, it becomes your truth and you start to believe it. Your story might be that being single means your life is empty, that people in relationships are having more fun, or that you will only be happy if you have a partner.
Once you have identified your story, ask Single with nothing to do how to create the opposite of what you believe. For example, how can being single be full of life and joy?
What can I do to be happier here and now? Let your answers guide you to take more positive actions and start living your life as a single to the best of your abilities. Maximize this time and regularly step out of your comfort zone.
Start up new hobbies and learn new things. Cultivate the most important relationship you have—the one with yourself! Use every opportunity that comes your way to grow. Make every day the best day of your life. Aska Kolton is the creator of the Dating Detox Revolution. She empowers single women who are exhausted with dating or drained from unfulfilling relationships to take time out to rebuild their self-love and confidence, so they thrive in life and feel happy, whole, and worthy within before they look for love again. You can her Facebook Group here. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice.
email: [email protected] - phone:(556) 924-6640 x 3192
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